Wednesday, April 27, 2011

lol i found some really old "about me" facts and i thought it'd be funny to post. i hope this doesn't seem too egocentric but i mean, it is a blog :)

1. without my glasses i can't see clearly past arms length
2. i love reading.
3. if i see someone crying, i usually cry too. even if it's on tv
4. when i was little i used to scratch my skin when it was ashy so i could be white.
5. i would also draw pictures of myself and color myself peach. even if there was a tan crayon
6. will farrel is a genius
7. i get dizzy when i think about the universe and "infinity"
8. i am fascinated by childhood
9. i hope to be half the woman my mom is one day
10. i always wonder if everyone has their own set of colors they see
11. i love change. i'm going to live in atleast 4 or 5 different states/countries before i settle down
12. when i sing my voice kindof sounds like a mix of miranda lambert and mariah carey
13. it's impossible to stay mad at me.. unless i'm mad at you too
14. music is one of the many ways to my heart
15. most people think i'm unrealistic. but i don't care, that motivates me even more
16. if you tell me no, i will say yes
17. i'm going to save the world

1. i'm really mean when i get in a bad mood. feed me and i'll be just fine
2. i hate the combination of cold and windy. and i always think walking backwards will somehow make me less cold
3. i hate it when people wave at me from far away. i NEVER know who i'm waving to because i can't ever see. or if the person was even waving at me? it makes me so nervous
4. i am drawn to people who are completely themselves and original.even if i have absolutely nothing in common with them
5. i plan to take a pastry making class one day. i know it'll come in handy
6. hate sneezing. love yawning
7. no matter how much i complain about how annoying and protective my family is, they are some of the few people who TRULY understand me
8. i blowdry my whole body in the mornings so i can be warm
9. i've learned a lot about forgiving. it's the hardest but best thing you can do for yourself and whoever is involved.
10. i have a bad habit of asking really personal questions.
11. i roll my eyes big time at people who try too hard to fit in.
12. a perfect day to me would be going to barnes and noble and sitting in the corner all day just reading different things.
13. i love laying on peoples stomachs and listening to all the noises. it really really makes me laugh
14. i have a boy's sense of humor
15. my little brother's hugs and kisses could heal anyone's heart.
16. i want to dedicate my life to a good cause. whether it earns me a lot of money or not.
17. i've set my microwave on fire.. three times.
18. i'm really bad at keeping in touch with people and i seriously hate it
19. for some reason i never think the rules apply to me
20. i'm happy being imperfect.
21. i'm really ungraceful. especially when i concentrate really hard on being graceful
22. i love oblivious people who have no idea how funny they are

NINE things about yourself:
1. I'm so so happy. Just naturally.
2., I will never turn down a chance to try something new
3. I try to only come home when it's absolutely necissary
4. If you don't give me some space I will run and hide from you
5. I tell it like it is
6. I love chicken alfredo with penne noodles
7. I know that I work too much because I dream about it almost every night
8. I won't let you get too close
9. I'm ready to be out of Wylie

EIGHT ways to win your heart:
1. Be yourself
2. Don't lose your temper with me
3. Let me meet your friends
4. Cook for me
5. Hug me really tight
6. Ask me personal questions
7. Get along with my friends
8. Don't be clingy

SIX things that cross your mind a lot:
1. Texas state<3
2. Money
3. Friends
4. Work schedule
5. My birthday
6. I miss Kayla

SIX things you do before you go to bed:
1. Change
2. Eat
3. Wash my face
4. Watch a lil TV
5. Play a lil bubble breaker
6. Plug my phone in

FIVE ways you want to be remembered.
2. Selfless
3.Free spirited

FOUR songs that fit you.
1. Use somebody - Kings of leon
2. Push - Matchbox 20
3. She talks to angels - Black Crows
4. Free Fallin - John Mayer

TWO things you want to do before you die:
1. Go on a long term missions trip
2. Be a mom

ONE confession:
1. I can't picture myself being married.

what a depressing note to end on haha. i was such a happy camper before Jesus.

pause not

Friday, April 22, 2011

The time is now

"Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth."
-Ayn Rand

I really love this quote. It's a reality we need to hear. Sometimes I find myself looking over everything God has called me to be - a leader, a teacher, an artist, an example and I tell myself that I'm not any of those things yet. I need more training. I need more practice. I need more experience. But what I am hearing God say more and more lately is this:

"You are a leader. You are a teacher. You are an artist. You are an example."

What I've been doing without even realizing it is looking for things I can do that will qualify me to accept what God says I am. Who am I to tell God that I am not what He said I am yet? No. If He is calling me to be something, I am exactly that! There is nothing in my own humanly power I can do that will make me more of what He says I am.

2 Corinthians 6:2 For God says, "At just the right time, I heard you. On the day of salvation, I helped you." Indeed, the "right time" is now. Today is the day of salvation.

God is in the midst of raising up an army. You will see Him moving if you open your eyes. Don't miss out on it. And thank God that when He says something, it's not up to you to fulfill it. It's already fulfilled. Walk in His promise.

Monday, April 18, 2011

I've spent a lot of my life trying to find something I'm good at. Why couldn't I just be content with who I was during all my awkward stages?! I have no idea. I was probably much cooler than I gave myself credit for.

However, for some reason I felt the need to search for affirmation through outlets other than my bike riding skills. So I exhausted myself trying to channel Mia Hamm as I sprinted up and down the soccer field. I'd  write over the top emo poems to catch my audience's attention. I wanted to be the best in shot put, basketball, volleyball, poll vaulting, track, softball, and cheerleading. For so many reasons I wanted to prove to myself one thing, that I could do it. But instead the opposite happened. I got a black eye from softball and they ended up just making me the manager /ball retriever. In cheerleading, my bases didn't catch me and I took a pretty hard fall that scarred me for life. Practice for poll vaulting started at 6 am. So needless to say, that didn't last. Pretty much I failed miserably in all these things.
But one starry night, my right hand met a paintbrush. The instant connection they had is magical to recall upon. In the next few months they became inseperable, sitting under trees, admiring the scenery, and talking for hours.

They let their imagination sweep them away and dreamt of a land where wild animals lived and played among them.

It didn't take long for that to become a reality.

As time went on they began to kindle a deep and sincere love for eachother. It was no longer just an attraction. This was real.

A love so precious and delicate that the only way to hold, without crushing it, is to let it get swept away with wherever the wind is taking it.

Thank you Jesus for giving me a creative mind. For without it I would be miserably bored and by now, on the verge of insanity.


Friday, April 15, 2011

I am His

So I've decided to blog! It only seems natural with everything I have coming up in the near future. We're wrapping up the internship May 15th, and four months later I ship off to Germany for the Marriage of the Arts DTS. I can't make time slow down and add on to the number of grains left in the hour glass. So I am determined to drain every drop of experience I can out of the months I have left.

My favorite verse and something that I have referred back to time and time again is Romans 3:3-4 "What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God’s faithfulness?  Not at all! Let God be true, and every man a liar."
This verse sums up my life in a nutshell.As sad as it may sound, my own faith was never and could never be enough to sustain me. It's not how I made it through all the hard times. It's not what gave me hope in my darkest hour. It's not what I tribute my success to.   I am where I am today simply because I surrendered my own will to God, and He took care of the rest. I have learned and am still learning to rely on God with everything I am.

There is only one explanation for who I am today and what I've made it through, and that is God himself. Not the idea of God. Not opening my bible for an encouraging verse every now and then. Crying out to God for help is what saved me. And then He gave me a humble heart to keep crying out to Him. A lot of us are too stubborn to rely on anyone else but ourselves. For a long time this was the venom that was steadily pumping from my heart and flowing through my blood stream. I didn't do one thing to deserve the cure to this self inflicted disease. But for some reason, before I was even born, God decided that I was His. And after 18 years of ignoring Him and breaking His heart, I finally decided that He was mine. That statement alone has changed the course of my entire life.